Me, A Super Woman????

Okay… So I am supposed to have this image of being Super Woman floating around about me. That has to be one of my characteristics… Right? I mean, after all, being raised up on a farm and being as countrified as a tomboy girl can be, I can handle myself. Yes, I do have a diva side that comes out only on very special occasions. But, I have this thought about myself “I can handle myself when forced to”.

I love and I value my life a whole lot. I love being alive and able to live. I have not finished living out my “dash” in life. There is still a lot left on this planet for me to accomplish and I have just begun that purpose. So, if I ever thought I would be forced to take a stand to protect myself. You bet I would do it. If you think you are going to make me feel like a mouse in a corner waiting for you to come at me, I hope to high heaven I prove to you I am a bigger and badder person than you think!

Why all this weird yakking about this side of me I have not really had to ever make sure she does exist inside of me? Well, I am on a soap box and will be for the next few minutes. You have two choices, sit and continue reading my ranting or click and turn me off. I promise this is not the usual Windi I know either. This is a side of myself I have never had to experience before. When pushed into a corner, I guess you get into the fight or flight mode…. Now, I know I am on the fight mode!!! So, I promise the next post will not be as touchy and over the edge as this one.

Let me back up two weeks. It was the 30^th of November. November had been an amazing month for me. I had decorated for an event to help raise money for children thru Tri-County CASA and met one of my favorite county music singers, Jimmy Wayne. I mean it was a really good month. What could happen, right?!?!

It was my day off… The day off goes as planned. I spend my day at home cleaning. Then, I attend my usual Wednesday night service at Church. After Church, I go out to eat with my Church Family. Get done eating and I head to Wal-Mart.

Yes, I would probably consider myself one of the most boring people I know outside of work. My life consists of work, Church, home, out to eat at different restaurants then the occasional Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Dollar General trips. That is a week in the life of me. I don’t go out much just because of what crazies this world has in it. I have pretty much been sheltered from all that crazy until now.

It has taken me almost 36 years to have the name and the reputation I have. I can’t say I have been and am a saint. We all have out faults and failures. I am not putting myself on a pedestal and saying I am Miss. Perfect. I will be the first to knock the stool out from under my own self if I was to ever start getting that mentality about myself. And I refuse to allow someone else to come in and to try to destroy the life I have in me.

I have never been to a bar or a club, there is nothing there I want to think of being dating material. I just kinda stick to myself. I do not like trouble and will do what I can to stay clear of it. So when “trouble” invades on my territory, I will do what I have to and get rid of it as soon as I can.

Back to last week. Sorry for meddling. I had a great day off. I went to a great Church service. Ate a great meal afterwards and took my trip to Wal-Mart. I was inside no longer than 5 minutes when I get a text on MY phone. I am very protective to who all gets my cell number. Very few people have my cell phone number. Yes I own a business and have learned when you give your number out to customers; they will call you with 15 questions in one hour when you are trying to relax. That is why I have business hours for them to call and discuss things with me.

Okay. Incoming text. I open the message. The number it is from is not one stored in my phone. So then I read the message. The text message is one that makes me question who it really is… I thought I knew who it was. I do have a friend who loves to pick on me. I respond with “Okay, I think I know who this is. But who is this for sure.” Then it is a guessing game. I have this policy. If I do not know who a text is from, I sure am not about to call it to find out. Well, then the messages kept getting worse. So, I quit responding. Thought it was over.

Next morning at 7:00 am, incoming text again. I don’t respond at all. Then another. Then another. This time they are threatening to “come on over.” So, yes, I do respond asking again who it is. They tell me I know them. Then they get all suggestive again. I don’t like such as that, so I told them what I thought as nicely as I could.

Whew, they must have gotten the point. I didn’t take it all that serious. It was someone pulling a prank so I will just let it slide right on by and forget it. BUT, note to self, whatever I do, do not erase the proof.

It was smooth sailing for a whole week. Yep, I get an incoming text, Thursday morning at (of course) 7ish again. Really, you want me to be in a good mood when you text me at that time of a morning. I had no clue it was going to be the freak again.

This one was along the same lines as where he left off last week. Found out he was married. Now, that has me with my blood boiling. You are married. Your wife has NO clue you are texting me. You are now a low life and scum in my book. You took a wedding vow. Why can’t you stick to it? My advice to him was “stay with your wife, I am talking to someone who I am very interested in, and get in church somewhere and get your problems worked out.” Well, of course that did not work.

Well, as you can probably guess, the messages started getting worse and too suggestive. When he finally crossed the line, I did not respond. Over the next few days, I had to spend as much time at my local Sheriff Department as I did at work. I was really beginning to get worried. As we were entering into the third week, the Captain and I had a plan to get this person to meet me. The guy went from suggestive, to very suggestive, to now stalking, to getting a threatening attitude. All which really scared me. At this point of desperation, you realize you have got to do whatever it takes to catch this person.

But as I started putting all of this together, I realized I really must know this person. He knows too much about me. But how in the world did he get my cell number? Why did he decide to harass me? What did I ever do to him?

So, since last Thursday, my life as being a confident person has changed a little. Okay, A LOT!

Yes, I have been trying to “dress up” a little bit at work. Is that wrong? Trying to look a little nice and presentable instead of a t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops all the time? Is that now a sin? I felt a little better about myself by being a little dressed up. You never know when you might have unexpected company…

Then, I love getting texts from all my family and friends. And Facebook and Twitter notifications. Okay, so I DID love hearing the text message ring tone come on. Now, I almost dread to look at it and open it up when I have a new message. I cringe when it goes off because I think it is going to be him again. To hate to see my cell phone light up is not me!

I love being able to have a clear mind and not worry about anything. Now, I am looking over my shoulder walking in public. I am dodging people who fit the profile while I am shopping. I am toting my pistol out of the holster and on top of my purse hoping I never have to use it but thinking of it the whole time. I wonder who is watching me and from where are they watching me. Where do they see me?

At home, when my dog starts barking, I start wondering if he is outside. Where is he hiding if he is outside? Is he going to try to come in and hurt me in any way?

I pull up in my yard wondering if he is already there. I have my gun in my hand just in case as I walk across the yard. I get inside safely. Then I have to do a shake down to make sure no one is already inside. Check all the windows and doors. Roll all the blinds closed. Make sure all the curtains are closed. I have almost turned into a prisoner inside my own home.

While I am driving down the road, I have to constantly look in my rear view to make sure I have not been followed. And then when I do turn on my dirt road, if some one happens to get behind me, I don’t turn in my drive way. I go past my house. Ride several miles out of the way. Then I come back home.

Monday night, the night before we caught him, I literally pulled up into my front yard in my vehicle and I just sat there looking at my house for an hour. Not wanting to get out and go in. I was out in the vehicle for over an hour crying my eyes out. I could not understand all the whos, whats, whens, wheres, and whys that all this was happening to me. I forced myself to get out and finally come inside.

He invaded my life. It is so not fair. I am the one who was chosen to be picked on by him. Go me!!! NOT! I am the victim who has to go thru all the stress and the pressure of wondering what next. I can’t eat. Don’t feel like going out to get something to eat. I just want to hide away from every one and everything. That is totally not my character!

I have to take the time to change my cell phone number and notify everyone who has my number. Then I have to explain all the whys. Lots of time spent and wasted for a crazy freak who does not care about any one but himself.

I will give him a bit of an excuse. I know people have problems and addictions. So, first of all, he needs to get help! Maybe this is one of those practicing forgiveness times I am so passionate about. Yes, I do forgive him for making my life a living torture for weeks!

But my question is this… How many people get this kind of harassment and are eventually stalked? They do as I did and don’t take the problem serious? How many of them wind up being hurt, attacked, or even killed. Hmmmm. Makes you think... 

Dare To Dream... Get Off The Porch Swing

Dare To Dream... Get Off The Porch Swing

I purchased this little book years ago and haven't read it in years.... I picked it up to where the page was tabbed and this is one of my favorites...

It is written by Florence Litteauer in a book called "The Gift of Encouraging Words".  Just thought I would share the story...


Many of us feel that we haven't "made it" in life, or for that matter, we weren't "made" for dreaming big. Some of us may say, "I wish I had a sense of humor. I can't sing or act or think up clever things."

Some of us may have had parents who thought we didn't amount to "a hill of beans."  Some of us may have little education or a feeling that we're not smart enought to become anything.

A few of us may have acheived great goals or made a lot of money, but we still feel insecure inside. Perhaps we've asked ourselves, "Who am I?" and not heard a clear answer.

No matter where we are in our self-evaluation today, we can move on. We can dare to dream.

It's always easier to relax than reach, to give up than grasp, but we want to stretch rather than just settle into the status quo. If we rested until the perfect path to success opened before us, we would all be sitting on the porch swing of life waiting for directions. Let's pretend that's where we are today, all of us lined up on that glider on the veranda looking out to the blue skies and sunshine forever. We can smell the sweet flowers of success, but if we're going to pick them we'll have to get up. We can see ideas flitting around like hummingbirds, but to use one we'll have to get a net and capture it. Some of us would prefer to rock where we are than to get up and move on. Some prefer to accept what's good rather than aim for the best. Some would rather sit on a swing than dare to dream.

Proverbs 29:18 tells us, "Where there is no vision, the people perish," and yet many of us are without a vision, taking the fatalistic approach that "if God wanted me to have a better job He'd send a personnel manager to my front porch."

Don't be a porch-swing person any longer. Don't stuff your laurels into a pillow and rest upon them. Don't rock in indecision and inertia.

I'm calling you off the porch. God has great plans for you!!! Come on, let's head for the starting gate.

Are you willing to dare to dream?  Or is the fear of failure or rejection keeping you in the porch swing? Ask the Father to give you His vision for your life. You were created for a particular purpose! Go ahead and dream and ask God to direct you. Remember, many great visions start with small dreams!

The Paper Angel Mission - A Stuffed Monkey

If you have been following my blog at all, you know after my challenge presented to me from Country Music singer Jimmy Wayne ("Paper Angels", "Do You Believe Me Now", "You Are", "Sara's Smile"). If you don't know the details of that encounter, you will need to read the blog titled "One From The Heart" to completely understand where I am coming from on this one.

As I was decorating the Christmas Tree at my business with the Salvation Army Paper Angels, I went ahead and I picked my angel out I wanted to adopt. You see, I do not have any children of my own (waiting on the marriage part first). I have always wanted a little girl. So, I decided this year I would have me a little girl to buy for to be a baby girl for me. Her name is Gracie. She is a one year old angel.

I have already done a little shopping for her. There are the cute little outfits to buy her. The dolls. The toys that make a lot of noise so her parents will know she is there. But, as I was looking around the other night at Wal-Mart, I had one of those ummm hmmmmm moments again. I wanted to buy her something similar as to what I had as a gift when I was little that I have kept all these years later. A toy I had as a child and still have today... I intend on writing her a letter as a keepsake for her parents to give her one day when she grows up and is able to understand why I decided to buy her this odd gift.

As I was walking down each of the aisles at Wal-Mart, I was trying to think of something unique and different to get her. I was thinking of the times from when I was a child what was the most important gift I ever received. And I say important as well as meaning most treasured gift I had gotten. One which has stayed with me all these years later.

I will be 36 in March, 2012. As far back as I can remember as a child, my parents got me a stuffed monkey that I adored like a normal child would adore a blankie. I have never claimed to be your typical child. Haha. He and I were like two peas in a pod. It was a plush animal monkey. It has the plastic face. It's left hand is a normal toy plastic hand. But his right hand was wrapped around a plastic banana. Oh, and he had on white shoes... (Update on monkey's current features... Face is completely colored in with blue ink. At some point, I cut half of his banana off.)

When I was little, we are talking before I could walk and talk, there were two things that would calm me down when everything else seemed to fail when my parents tried it all. I was having one of those crying fits one day and nothing Mama did seemed to be helping. She just happened to put me on a blanket in front of the TV... And the KING of Rock and Roll calmed me right down. See, even as a baby and before I could talk, I LOVED me some Elvis Presley. I won't deny the fact that I still love that man's voice to this day!!! Mama soon realized, if ever I was having one of my non-stop crying fits, find the Elvis 8 track tapes or records very quickly!!! (Family rumors have it that he is a distant cousin. Thanks to Ancestry.com, it has now been confirmed a fact!!!) Maybe it is his voice that could even swoon babies over. But my Daddy loved to think he could sing like Elvis. Afterall, he did have the dark hair like Elvis did. I must have thought Elvis was my Daddy!!! Daddy was an 18-wheeler truck driver and was gone on the road a lot. So Elvis was my fill in!!! Daddy and Elvis favored a lot. The hair. The eyes. And a heart of gold!

The second thing I used to love to watch as a child was "King Kong". The old cheesy original version, not this new technological stuff. I would sit and watch it every time it came on. I even remember when we lived in the single wide mobile home we sold when I was five years old, watching that movie and being snuggled up to Mr. Monkey. Me and Mr. Monkey on the green & tan plaid couch. Of course, me crying in the end when Kind Kong was killed. I went every where with that newly applied blue make-up called ink faced monkey.

Mama tells a story of how one night, Mr. Monkey was misplaced and I cried and cried all night... I did not get any sleep that night. I really pulled an all nighter until they found him at my Granny's house the next day. Granny's house was about 100 ft from where the single wide used to be. It is the house I live in now... But Mama and Daddy were sooooo happy and relieved that my best side kick was found...

So, I have decided for my angel Gracie, I will be getting her a stuffed Mr. Monkey. One that is as close to the one I have hidden in one of my boxes full of childhood memories. Just because, I will have to look and find my Mr. Monkey really soon... When I do, I will add his photo to this blog post!!!

Yes, I am officially on a mission. I will be looking for and finding me a stuffed monkey to give to Gracie this year. Along with a special little note from my heart to hers. To hopefully pass on a legacy she will one day understand. Life is all about family and friends whom you love and cherish dearly. It is all about blessing the lives of the others around you... To share the love I was given as a child to another child is a blessing for me.

And when the time comes and I have a little girl or boy of my own, they too will own a Mr. Monkey of their own. Come to think of it... I may look for two Mr. Monkey's this year. This way, I can keep it as a memory of the 1st year I participated in the Salvation Army Paper Angel Tree Program. Then when the time is right to tell my child the meaning behind the monkey, I hope it will touch his/her heart as much as giving this gift has meant to me this year!!!

UPDATE...

I did not find a monkey like I wanted to give to Gracie. However, as I was looking thru all those stuffed animals I ran across a plush stuffed elephant. As I was standing there, my heart skipped a few beats as smile came across my face... In the back of my mind I could hear a familiar voice singing "Elephant Ears that will be our code"... So, I purchased not one but two elephants that night. Why did I purchase two? Well, as I stated I wanted to give Gracie a letter as to why I got involved with the Paper Angel Program. The second elephant I have at home. I keep it out where I can see it on the desk in my office at home. Every time I see it, I think of Gracie. But, my sole purpose for purchasing two was because one day, when I meet my Prince Charming and he sweeps me off my feet... Then when we have a child, this will be a stuffed animal with a story behind it. I will get to pass the story on to the next generation. I will be able to share the Jimmy Wayne story and the Paper Angel Story and Gracie to my children. Once they are old enough, it will be a tradition they understand as to why we do it!!!