Me, A Super Woman????

Okay… So I am supposed to have this image of being Super Woman floating around about me. That has to be one of my characteristics… Right? I mean, after all, being raised up on a farm and being as countrified as a tomboy girl can be, I can handle myself. Yes, I do have a diva side that comes out only on very special occasions. But, I have this thought about myself “I can handle myself when forced to”.

I love and I value my life a whole lot. I love being alive and able to live. I have not finished living out my “dash” in life. There is still a lot left on this planet for me to accomplish and I have just begun that purpose. So, if I ever thought I would be forced to take a stand to protect myself. You bet I would do it. If you think you are going to make me feel like a mouse in a corner waiting for you to come at me, I hope to high heaven I prove to you I am a bigger and badder person than you think!

Why all this weird yakking about this side of me I have not really had to ever make sure she does exist inside of me? Well, I am on a soap box and will be for the next few minutes. You have two choices, sit and continue reading my ranting or click and turn me off. I promise this is not the usual Windi I know either. This is a side of myself I have never had to experience before. When pushed into a corner, I guess you get into the fight or flight mode…. Now, I know I am on the fight mode!!! So, I promise the next post will not be as touchy and over the edge as this one.

Let me back up two weeks. It was the 30^th of November. November had been an amazing month for me. I had decorated for an event to help raise money for children thru Tri-County CASA and met one of my favorite county music singers, Jimmy Wayne. I mean it was a really good month. What could happen, right?!?!

It was my day off… The day off goes as planned. I spend my day at home cleaning. Then, I attend my usual Wednesday night service at Church. After Church, I go out to eat with my Church Family. Get done eating and I head to Wal-Mart.

Yes, I would probably consider myself one of the most boring people I know outside of work. My life consists of work, Church, home, out to eat at different restaurants then the occasional Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Dollar General trips. That is a week in the life of me. I don’t go out much just because of what crazies this world has in it. I have pretty much been sheltered from all that crazy until now.

It has taken me almost 36 years to have the name and the reputation I have. I can’t say I have been and am a saint. We all have out faults and failures. I am not putting myself on a pedestal and saying I am Miss. Perfect. I will be the first to knock the stool out from under my own self if I was to ever start getting that mentality about myself. And I refuse to allow someone else to come in and to try to destroy the life I have in me.

I have never been to a bar or a club, there is nothing there I want to think of being dating material. I just kinda stick to myself. I do not like trouble and will do what I can to stay clear of it. So when “trouble” invades on my territory, I will do what I have to and get rid of it as soon as I can.

Back to last week. Sorry for meddling. I had a great day off. I went to a great Church service. Ate a great meal afterwards and took my trip to Wal-Mart. I was inside no longer than 5 minutes when I get a text on MY phone. I am very protective to who all gets my cell number. Very few people have my cell phone number. Yes I own a business and have learned when you give your number out to customers; they will call you with 15 questions in one hour when you are trying to relax. That is why I have business hours for them to call and discuss things with me.

Okay. Incoming text. I open the message. The number it is from is not one stored in my phone. So then I read the message. The text message is one that makes me question who it really is… I thought I knew who it was. I do have a friend who loves to pick on me. I respond with “Okay, I think I know who this is. But who is this for sure.” Then it is a guessing game. I have this policy. If I do not know who a text is from, I sure am not about to call it to find out. Well, then the messages kept getting worse. So, I quit responding. Thought it was over.

Next morning at 7:00 am, incoming text again. I don’t respond at all. Then another. Then another. This time they are threatening to “come on over.” So, yes, I do respond asking again who it is. They tell me I know them. Then they get all suggestive again. I don’t like such as that, so I told them what I thought as nicely as I could.

Whew, they must have gotten the point. I didn’t take it all that serious. It was someone pulling a prank so I will just let it slide right on by and forget it. BUT, note to self, whatever I do, do not erase the proof.

It was smooth sailing for a whole week. Yep, I get an incoming text, Thursday morning at (of course) 7ish again. Really, you want me to be in a good mood when you text me at that time of a morning. I had no clue it was going to be the freak again.

This one was along the same lines as where he left off last week. Found out he was married. Now, that has me with my blood boiling. You are married. Your wife has NO clue you are texting me. You are now a low life and scum in my book. You took a wedding vow. Why can’t you stick to it? My advice to him was “stay with your wife, I am talking to someone who I am very interested in, and get in church somewhere and get your problems worked out.” Well, of course that did not work.

Well, as you can probably guess, the messages started getting worse and too suggestive. When he finally crossed the line, I did not respond. Over the next few days, I had to spend as much time at my local Sheriff Department as I did at work. I was really beginning to get worried. As we were entering into the third week, the Captain and I had a plan to get this person to meet me. The guy went from suggestive, to very suggestive, to now stalking, to getting a threatening attitude. All which really scared me. At this point of desperation, you realize you have got to do whatever it takes to catch this person.

But as I started putting all of this together, I realized I really must know this person. He knows too much about me. But how in the world did he get my cell number? Why did he decide to harass me? What did I ever do to him?

So, since last Thursday, my life as being a confident person has changed a little. Okay, A LOT!

Yes, I have been trying to “dress up” a little bit at work. Is that wrong? Trying to look a little nice and presentable instead of a t-shirt, jeans, and flip flops all the time? Is that now a sin? I felt a little better about myself by being a little dressed up. You never know when you might have unexpected company…

Then, I love getting texts from all my family and friends. And Facebook and Twitter notifications. Okay, so I DID love hearing the text message ring tone come on. Now, I almost dread to look at it and open it up when I have a new message. I cringe when it goes off because I think it is going to be him again. To hate to see my cell phone light up is not me!

I love being able to have a clear mind and not worry about anything. Now, I am looking over my shoulder walking in public. I am dodging people who fit the profile while I am shopping. I am toting my pistol out of the holster and on top of my purse hoping I never have to use it but thinking of it the whole time. I wonder who is watching me and from where are they watching me. Where do they see me?

At home, when my dog starts barking, I start wondering if he is outside. Where is he hiding if he is outside? Is he going to try to come in and hurt me in any way?

I pull up in my yard wondering if he is already there. I have my gun in my hand just in case as I walk across the yard. I get inside safely. Then I have to do a shake down to make sure no one is already inside. Check all the windows and doors. Roll all the blinds closed. Make sure all the curtains are closed. I have almost turned into a prisoner inside my own home.

While I am driving down the road, I have to constantly look in my rear view to make sure I have not been followed. And then when I do turn on my dirt road, if some one happens to get behind me, I don’t turn in my drive way. I go past my house. Ride several miles out of the way. Then I come back home.

Monday night, the night before we caught him, I literally pulled up into my front yard in my vehicle and I just sat there looking at my house for an hour. Not wanting to get out and go in. I was out in the vehicle for over an hour crying my eyes out. I could not understand all the whos, whats, whens, wheres, and whys that all this was happening to me. I forced myself to get out and finally come inside.

He invaded my life. It is so not fair. I am the one who was chosen to be picked on by him. Go me!!! NOT! I am the victim who has to go thru all the stress and the pressure of wondering what next. I can’t eat. Don’t feel like going out to get something to eat. I just want to hide away from every one and everything. That is totally not my character!

I have to take the time to change my cell phone number and notify everyone who has my number. Then I have to explain all the whys. Lots of time spent and wasted for a crazy freak who does not care about any one but himself.

I will give him a bit of an excuse. I know people have problems and addictions. So, first of all, he needs to get help! Maybe this is one of those practicing forgiveness times I am so passionate about. Yes, I do forgive him for making my life a living torture for weeks!

But my question is this… How many people get this kind of harassment and are eventually stalked? They do as I did and don’t take the problem serious? How many of them wind up being hurt, attacked, or even killed. Hmmmm. Makes you think...